Not_quite_there

I wanted you to know,
I’ve been wondering lately.
If I ever lose you,
Who’s going to berate me?

Who’s going to mock me,
For not being social?
For always being disappointing,
For never being hopeful.

I know I try too hard,
It’s because you’re my idol
Even though you’re broken
Barely hanging on, suicidal.

I try to find the good in you,
yet to see it somewhere.
But I fear that one rainy morning,
You won’t be there, to not be there.